Day 22: Jesus Christ, Part 2

Yesterday, we started talking about what kind of person Jesus was (and we had to cut the discussion short because I felt like I was developing a touch of carpal tunnel syndrome—I’m typing WAY too much these days!). So let’s pick up where we left off.

Jesus Christ is often considered the most influential person in the history of Western civilization. It’s not at all surprising, considering how big a role the religion he founded has played in Western history.

Although the things Jesus did have had a huge impact on the world, who he was—what he was like in everyday life—has always been something of a mystery. Even the people who knew him in first-century Palestine often went around asking, “What kind of man is this?” Jesus was then—and still remains—very much a puzzle.

So you know I’ve been reading the Bible. I’m finally pretty well into the New Testament, so I’ve had some exposure to the way Jesus is depicted in the Bible. And, at least in my humble opinion, it ain’t all that flattering.

I apologize in advance to anyone I’ll be offending with the following summary, but try to remember that I’m just trying to be honest and tell you the way I’m seeing things. I’m not trying to make fun of the Christian Lord and Savior. Really.

For starters, it seems like every time Jesus has a conversation with someone, he gets all pissed off and either yells or belittles the people around him. Maybe it’s just bad writing on the part of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (the authors of the four Gospels), but you’d think they would have tried to make Jesus look even nicer than he really was, to paint the Messiah in the most positive way possible. Apparently not.

The next problem I have with the way Jesus is portrayed in the Bible is how he kind of comes off as a bit of a liar. For example, in Matthew (5:17), Jesus says, “Do not think that I come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill.”

One page later, he turns around and changes the Law (i.e., “abolishes” the original interpretation of it), saying, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Matthew 5:38–39)

Sure, the new sentiment Jesus has added here is much more pleasant than the old “Law,” but he’s “abolishing” it nonetheless—which he said he wasn’t going to do. I don’t know. That just kind of irritates me.

Jesus also seems to have a bit of a problem with his short-term memory. In John (13:36), it says, “Simon Peter said to Him [Jesus], ‘Lord, where are You going?’” Then, less than two pages later, Jesus says (in what seems like kind of a nasty tone to me), “But now I am going to Him who sent Me; and none of you asks Me, ‘Where are You going?’” (John 16:5)

Hello? Was Jesus just not paying attention to Simon Peter? It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes after Peter asked where Jesus was going that Jesus accused everybody, including Peter, of not asking. It’s bizarre—and it makes Jesus sound not just forgetful but kind of mean.

Next, we have to look at the way Jesus treats his family. In Luke, there’s a part where somebody tells Jesus that his mother and brothers are waiting outside to see him, and he refuses to go out to them, saying, “My mother and My brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” (Luke 8:21)

Okay, sure—it’s a nice enough thought, that anyone can be Jesus’s relative, but why can’t he show his own mother a little courtesy, especially when he’s always going around saying “Honor thy father and thy mother”?

This brings me to my biggest problem with Jesus’s personality, at least as it comes across in the Bible: what happened at the wedding in Cana. Of course, most people know the story of how Jesus turned water into wine—yet another excellent miracle, especially if you’re a wine drinker like me—but nobody ever mentions what happened before that.

At the wedding, Mary (Jesus’s mother, whom we assume is no longer a virgin since Jesus apparently has brothers) comes up to Jesus and tells him that the hosts of the wedding have run out of wine. Jesus replies, “Woman, what does that have to do with us?” (John 2:4)

That dismissive response is, right there in a nutshell, the main reason I initially left the Catholic Church in my late teens. I just couldn’t accept the idea of being devoted to a guy who would be so rude to his own mother.

I mean, seriously—if I ever talked to my mother like that, I would have gotten a swift smack on the ass with a wooden spoon—and I would have deserved it. I don’t care if you are the Son of God. You should still treat your mother with a little bit of respect. 

No matter what you have to say, in any situation, there's a nice way and a nasty way to say it. At least according to the Bible, Jesus always seems to pick the nasty way. And, if that sort of behavior bothers me in ordinary people, it REALLY annoys me in the guy who's supposed to be my Savior. 

Based on all this information in the Bible, whenever I see one of those “What Would Jesus Do?” bumper stickers, I can’t help thinking, “He’d probably mouth off to his mother or give a tongue-lashing to one of the Apostles—that’s what Jesus would do.”

But please, don't get me wrong. Despite how I must sound in this rant, I really do desperately want to like (and even love) Jesus, especially this month while I'm a Christian. But if you read enough of the Bible, it’s very hard to find him all that likable as a person (but I admit that, even if he does have terrible manners, he still kicks ass when it comes to doing miracles and all that stuff).

Of course, I do realize that the Bible is just other people’s interpretations of Jesus—not necessarily direct quotes or entirely accurate (especially since a lot of the people who wrote the New Testament never even knew Jesus personally).

I also realize that biblical writing isn’t all that upbeat to begin with—I’ve got to say that God the Father comes off as a bit of a hypocritical jerk throughout much of the Old Testament.

So, I know that my feeling about Jesus isn’t actually based on anything that resembles fact. And I guess the whole point of being Christian is, really, to discover for yourself who Jesus was and to find a way to bring him into your heart.

It’s not easy at all, but really—I’m trying.