Day 4: Being a Christian

I know I haven’t posted in a while, but I swear, it’s not just because I’m lazy. While I’ve been reading the Bible as part of my research this month, I’ve been going through some pseudo-biblical experiences of my own.

First, I started off the month by making my very own Exodus, trekking from Pennsylvania to Texas, where I’ll be living for the next few months. While driving through Tennessee, we encountered some heavy-duty storms that made me wonder if the Apocalypse was coming.

Then, we arrived, and I immediately came down with an awful illness that all of us who have it are referring to as “the plague.” Although I haven't broken out with boils (at least not yet), between the headache, sore throat, sneezing, and coughing, I’m kind of proud that I’m still alive at all, so please, don’t beat me up too much for taking so long to write—and for writing such a crappy post on top of it.

Right now, I’m mainly focused on getting myself healthy again, but while I’m lying around waiting for enough time to pass so I can pop a few more Advil Cold and Sinus pills, I’m doing my best to figure out how to be a Christian again.

Like I said, I’ve been reading the Bible. And wow—it’s even more boring than I remembered.

And the boringness isn’t even the real problem. I’m finding it very hard to read as a “Christian” and not as an “editor.” I can’t seem to stop myself from picking out the bizarre inconsistencies and omissions. I mean, seriously, I would never have let this book go to the printer without some serious revisions by the authors!

I’m doing other things besides reading the Bible, too. I’ve started saying prayers at night and in the morning, like I used to do back in the Dark Ages, when I was still a good little Catholic girl.

It’s strange, though. Being Christian means incorporating not just a faceless “God” into your prayers—it means talking to Jesus, too. And, given the fact that I pretty much decided I didn’t think Jesus was divine many years ago, praying to him now is a bit disconcerting. It kind of feels like declaring yourself a virgin after you’ve already had sex. It ain’t true, but you can pretend if you want to. Hey, I’m doing my best here. Cut me some slack. I'm sick.

I’m supposed to go to church tomorrow morning (assuming I’m not still sick and hacking up a lung), which would be my first church experience, outside of weddings and funerals, in close to 20 years. In a way, I’m kind of looking forward to it, and something tells me that church down here in Texas will be a little bit more fun than what I remember. I certainly hope so.