An Apology and an Announcement

Okay, so I know it’s been a REALLY long time since I’ve posted, and I apologize for not doing a better job. The two people in the world who actually bother to read this blog probably think I just flaked out and gave up on the whole enlightenment project. But no—it wasn’t just flakiness or laziness, like usual. I’ve been having a rough couple of months.

I blame it on Ramadan. Ever since I had to go through the torture of fasting (without even losing so much as a single pound, which at least would have been a little bit of a bonus), I have been feeling crappy—no, I think despondent is a more accurate word. Ramadan—and being Muslim in general—took a massive toll on me, both physically and emotionally.

I got so depressed by the end of August that I knew I needed to take some time off from blogging. I was so emotionally wrecked that I couldn’t even bring myself to post here to say I was taking a brief sabbatical. Who knew that Islam would be so depressing? If real Muslims feel anything close to what I’ve been going through, it’s no wonder there are so many problems in the Middle East.

I can’t blame it all on Islam, though. I think the constant soul-searching has also been hard on me. I’ve never been the kind of person who naturally has faith in anything (other than myself, and even that has been put to the test over these past two months), so maybe all the attention on religion has made me question whether I actually do believe in anything.

But mostly, I blame Ramadan and my month as a Muslim. Believe it or not, the fasting wasn’t even the worst part of it. The worst thing was being told that, as a woman, I was supposed to be subservient to men.

As much as all the Islam books I have read tried to say that women aren’t considered inferior, there’s no getting around the fact that forcing women to cover themselves up and letting men have multiple wives is sexist. All the books argue that it’s actually good for the women to share their husbands, since they all get to be “taken care of” equally. Sorry, but that is a load of bullshit.

Maybe things work differently in the Middle East, but in my life, I have never been “taken care of” by anyone other than my parents when I was a child. I have always been the one taking care of the men in every relationship I’ve ever had. Again, maybe men are different in other places around the world, but here in America, they seem to be completely unable to do ANYTHING for themselves—other than look at porn and run up credit card debt that they then dump on the women in their lives. (Think maybe I’m a little bitter?)

The point is, I refuse to be subservient to anybody, dammit. I am and always have been independent and ambitious and capable of overcoming even the worst situations—and trust me, I’ve been through some of the worst. So Ramadan and subservient women can kiss my rebellious ass. I’m not going to let the depression they triggered keep me down any longer.

So, I am hereby announcing that, as of today, I am (extremely belatedly) beginning my month as a Jew. Sure, I’ve already missed some of the most important holidays, but I’m going to work my butt off to make up for lost time. I’m back and even more pissed off than ever. So hang on. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.