Day 5: Meditation

Hinduism says there are different paths that a person can take to reach enlightenment. The one I’m focusing on today is raja yoga. According to religious scholar Huston Smith, raja yoga is “Designed for people who are of scientific bent, [and] it is the way to God through psychophysical experiments.”

The major “experiment” is meditation. By eliminating outside distractions and quieting the mind, we turn away from the external, material world and go within ourselves to achieve self-control and complete self-knowledge.

Now, I’ve meditated before. In fact, I’ve tried all kinds of meditation—concentrating on an object or the light of a candle, repeating a word or phrase over and over, trying to just keep my mind blank, and even guided meditation where someone directs you through a visualized scenario. I’ve never been good at it.

When I do manage to sit still long enough to ignore noises and thoughts for more than few minutes, I usually just get sleepy. And then I get pissed off, because I shouldn’t be sleepy when I’m trying to do something, considering the fact that I’m rarely sleepy enough to actually sleep at bedtime.

But this is all part of the project, so I’ve been trying to meditate again. It’s not easy. Thoughts tend to bang around in my brain like those Ping-Pong balls in the lottery machines. Meditation experts call this problem “monkey mind”—and my monkeys were really going berserk this morning.

I began the meditation with the intention of focusing on absolutely nothing, just the darkness behind my closed eyes. That worked for about five seconds. Then the monkeys started chattering away:

Om. Om. Wait. I’m not supposed to be chanting, just keeping my mind blank. Okay. Try again. Man, my contacts are dry. Maybe I should open my eyes. No, don’t open your eyes. But maybe I should. NO! DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES! Okay. It’s fine. Wait. What’s that spot in my vision? Why am I seeing something, when it should just be black? What’s that spot? Looks like one of those little target things, like on a sniper rifle. What do they call those things? Damn. I can’t remember. Could there be a sniper here? No. That’s silly. Why would a sniper come after me? I’m nice. Sort of. Then why doesn’t anybody want to come to my Diwali party this weekend? Do I have everything I need for the Diwali party? Gotta make some snacks. Where are those recipes I printed out? Oh, crap. I forgot to run the dishwasher. And I think I forgot to put on my underwear. Am I wearing sweatpants and no underwear? Gross. Damn you, showering before the sun comes up. I keep forgetting essentials, like underwear. And deodorant. Do I stink? Sniff. No. I’m good. But it smells like curry in the house. Better open some windows in case people come over this weekend. But it’s raining outside. It’ll get all wet. Wet and smelling like curry? Probably not good. But if no one shows up, who cares? I should have sent out save-the-date notes. Who has the energy for that? Not me. I really need some energy. Wait, wait, I’m supposed to be thinking about something here. What was it? Oh, right. Nothing. Om.