Saturday, August 20, 2011

Month 10, Day 20: The Muslim Concept of Life After Death and Judgment Day


As promised, today I’m going to talk about Islam’s version of Judgment Day and what happens after we die. And also as promised, it’s really, really strange.

Most religions have some concept of what happens after death—usually, some form of punishment (like hell) if we’ve been bad, or reward (like heaven) if we’ve been good (unless, of course, the faith supports the idea of reincarnation, in which case the rewards and punishments take place during, not after, our lives).

Muslims say that right before death, the soul travels up to the throat. It’s the angel of death’s job to grab the soul and pull it out from the body. If you’ve been a good person, he takes the soul quickly, but if you’ve been a sinner, he yanks it violently—and that’s just the beginning of the suffering the soul will have to endure.

After death, once the soul has been removed from the physical body, it moves on to another, spiritual realm. But we still have some connection to the physical world, at least temporarily. Angels hold the soul above the corpse we have left behind, and we can watch the people who knew us as they prepare our dead body for burial.

When we see our own funeral, we will say one of two things to the angels. If we were good in life, we’ll ask them to take us forward. If we were bad, we’ll realize what’s happening and (understandably) freak out.

The angels then carry all souls to the gates of heaven, but the gates will only open for those who have accepted and loved God. If the gates stay closed, God (Allah) commands the angels to write the person’s name in the Sijjin—kind of a “hell registry.” If the gates do open, God writes the person’s name in the Illiyun—the list of people who get to go to heaven, but only after Judgment Day.

Until that day comes, all souls are returned to Earth and are more or less put in storage, until the world ends and we all meet our final destiny. Our souls hang out near our graves or wherever our physical body was last placed. The soul just lingers there, having no contact with anyone else—either living or dead—and with no awareness of anything except itself. This, I imagine, would be a nightmare for anyone who says they’re a “people person,” but me? I wouldn’t mind a little—or a lot of—alone time.

We do have some interaction with other beings while we’re in the grave. Two angels, Munkar and Nakir—the so-called “Questioners of the Grave”—come and visit us. Their job is to ask every dead soul three questions:

1. Who is your Lord?
2. What was your way of life?
3. Who was your prophet?

The first two questions have only one correct answer each: 1) God, and 2) surrender (or obedience to God).

The third question is a bit more complicated. Because Islam accepts prophets other than Muhammad as legitimate, a dead person might answer “Muhammad” or “Jesus,” “Moses,” or any number of others.

If our answers to all these questions are acceptable to the questioning angels, they open up two windows: One window shows us heaven, where we’ll go someday, and the other shows us hell, which we have avoided by being good during our lives. The angels then give us a larger storage space for our soul to enjoy—still on our own—until Judgment Day arrives.

For those souls who fail the angels’ pop quiz, it’s a very different story. As Yahiya Emerick writes in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Islam¸ “If we don’t answer the questions correctly, and only a true rebel against God will fail the test, then something horrible happens. They strike our spirit body with a heavy mace, and they command our soul storage bin to squeeze in upon us until we feel suffocated.”

Yeah. That would kind of suck, especially if you’re claustrophobic like I am.

When Judgment Day finally comes—and the Qur’an doesn’t say when that will be—all things and people that are still alive will die. Then, all the souls of the dead will be taken out of their storage spaces and will get brand-new bodies that look just like the ones they lived in on Earth, but without a single flaw. (I’m not quite sure what exactly constitutes a “flaw,” but I’d be glad to get rid of this flabby belly, flat chest, and way-too-big nose, so here’s hoping.)

We’ll all be left naked (another reason to hope I get rid of the belly), so we’re all perfectly equal, no matter what status we may have had during life. This part of Judgment Day is called the Resurrection.

The next step is a sorting process. We all line up behind whatever prophet we followed during our lives—whether it was Muhammad or Jesus or Moses or even Kali (if we happened to be Hindu in life).

People who didn’t believe in God at all—called kafirs—will be experiencing a bit of anxiety while all this is going on, since they’ll have no prophet to line up behind, and also because we’ll all be getting a glimpse of the pits of hell, where the bad souls—and the nonbelievers—are headed.

Although he’ll be hidden behind a big veil, God (Allah) will be presiding over the next part of the process: the judgment.

One by one, for as long as it takes, we will all step before God to have the record of our deeds reviewed and our faith in God measured. (This sounds absolutely horrible to me—I mean, I can’t even handle waiting in line behind more than one person at the grocery store, much less the whole of humanity.)

The thing I don’t understand is why we all have to wait in line. I mean, only the newly dead souls (those killed on the Last Day) should have to wait, since the rest of the dead have already been through the “gates of heaven” experience I described above, and supposedly they already know whether they’re going to heaven or hell. It just seems stupid to make everybody go through it all twice.

Once our deeds have been reviewed, God weighs our good and bad deeds on a scale. If the good outweighs the bad, we’re headed toward heaven. If not, then we’re in really big trouble.

The very worst sinners go straight to hell. The angels just hurl them into the burning fires, headfirst.

Everybody else has to go on a little trip. Whether we’ve been judged guilty or innocent, we all have to walk across a special bridge called the Sirat. It stretches across the fiery pit of hell and, on the other side, is heaven.

The bridge is pretty scary (although I think all bridges are scary in general): It’s as thin as a razor blade and there are spikes and jagged bits poking out all along the surface.

People who were really super good in life magically rush right across the bridge, without ever feeling the sting of the spikes. The rest of us, however, have to make our way slowly across, feeling every cut, every bump and bruise, along the way.

Some of us won’t make it all the way across the bridge to heaven. Those who were bad sinners will get stuck among the brambly spikes and will eventually fall off—into the fires of hell below.

The rest of us—the ordinary sinners who did some bad things but were good people at heart—will eventually make it across the bridge, a little worse for wear (but all wounds are healed when you reach heaven).

Anyone who was evenly balanced between good and evil goes to an elevated place, smack dab between heaven and hell. It’s called the Heights, and it’s a little like the Christian concept of Purgatory—a place where the soul suffers for a while, making up for past sins—before being admitted to heaven.

So, what are heaven and hell like? The Qur’an is extremely detailed in its descriptions of both places.

To me, the Muslim depiction of heaven sounds, well, a little boring:

“They [those who make it to heaven] will live among sylvan forests where there is neither thorn nor bramble, amidst wildly flowering trees that provide cool, expansive shade. There are flowering brooks and fruits of all kinds. . . . They will recline in places of honor, with specially created companions who are pure, undefiled, loving and of a similar age.”

Oh, yippee! If I make it to heaven, I get to hang out with special friends who are “pure” and “undefiled.” I don’t know. In my experience, the pure and undefiled aren’t exactly the most entertaining people to spend time with. But at least there’s wine in heaven. Even though it’s forbidden here on Earth, drinking is one of the perks of making it to paradise. Maybe enough wine will make even “pure” companions a little more fun.

If heaven sounds boring, then hell sounds absolutely awful. If we end up there, we have to wear clothes made out of burning pitch and we have to spend all of eternity in fire, with burning chains falling down on us and snakes and other creatures biting us all the time.

And the food sounds pretty lousy, too. As author Yahiya Emerick puts it, “Fountains of pus and blood and boiling muck will be the only refreshment. . . .” That may actually sound even worse than the food we have here in Pennsylvania. I guess I should stop complaining.

So, that’s heaven and hell, Muslim-style. I told you it was kooky.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Month 10, Day 18: The Core Beliefs of Islam


To be considered a good Muslim, you have to accept a few basic beliefs:

1. A belief in God (Allah)
2. A belief in the many prophets of God
3. A belief in life after death
4. A belief in the Books of God that have been revealed to the prophets
5. A belief in angels
6. A belief that God keeps track of human affairs and weighs our deeds, for good or for bad
7. A belief that there will be a Last Day

Some of these beliefs are pretty much a given, no matter what religion you’re talking about. I mean, obviously, any religion (with the possible exception of Buddhism) requires followers to believe in God. Most believe there is some form of life after death. And most believe that God knows whether we’re good or bad and that we’ll be rewarded or punished accordingly. Some of the others in the list above, though, are unique (at least in some way) to Islam.


Belief in the Prophets of God

Because Islam says that Allah is the same God who spoke to the Jewish and Christian prophets, Muslims accept all those people as legitimate prophets of the one true God. So, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and all the other prophets of Judaism and Christianity—even those whose names we may not know—are considered true prophets in Islam.

The key difference between Islam and Christianity, though, is that, to Muslims, Jesus was only a prophet—not the son of God or the Savior. He was just a prophet like all those other guys before him. And, since Muhammad is the final prophet, Muslims believe there will be no others coming before the end of the world.

That also means that there will be no savior coming, as predicted in Judaism. Muhammad’s all there is, like it or not.


Belief in the Books of God

Because Allah is the same deity who is described in the Jewish and Christian holy books, Muslims accept the sacred texts of Judaism and Christianity as true scripture. Even the Qur’an mentions this, saying:

“Tell [Jews and Christians], ‘We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us [in the form of the Qur’an] and in that which came down to you [the Jewish Torah and the Christian Gospels]; Our God and your God is one; and it’s to Him we surrender.'” (Qur’an 29:46)

Islam accepts the holy books of the Christian and Jewish faiths (the Bible, above, and the Torah, below).



Although Muslims believe the Jewish and Christian holy books are valid, they say that if there are any differences between them and the Qur’an when it comes to matters of faith or fact, we should follow the Qur’an. Basically, the Qur’an is supposed to be a “correction” of any mistakes that were made in earlier scripture.

Personally, I find this idea just a little obnoxious—it’s kind of like “You guys (Jews and Christians) made mistakes, but we got it right on the first try”—but hey, it’s not my call (and I only have to believe it for 30 days).


Belief in Angels

Faiths other than Islam—Christianity, for example—believe in angels. Islam refers to them as mala’ikah, and says they are beings made of light energy who can take on any form. They have no free will (like humans do). They exist only to do whatever God wants.

Different angels do different jobs. One named Jibra’il (known as Gabriel in the Bible) brings God’s revelations to the human prophets. An angel named Mika’il is in charge of the weather (and I wish he’d turn down the darn humidity already!). The angel of death is named Azra’il. And the angel Israfil has a pretty cool job: blowing a horn to let everyone know when the end of the universe has arrived (I bet there’s a lot of downtime in that line of work—sounds like fun).

Although I have a bit of a tendency to equate angels with fairies (which, as you may recall from my month as a pagan, I think are a little bit kooky), it’s not the angels I think are strange about Islam. It’s the jinns.

Jinns are kind of like . . . I don’t know . . . demons, for lack of a better word. As Yahiya Emerick explains in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Islam, “Jinns are similar to the genies so often portrayed in Western literature as wild and crazy spirits. . . . Islam proposes that these unique life-forms exist for their own sake and that we have no control over them in daily life.”

Unlike angels, which have no choice but to be good, jinns have free will like we do—and they can be good or bad, depending on their personality and mood. (I really hope my boyfriend doesn’t read this or I’m sure I’ll have a new nickname—Jinn.)

Muslims believe jinns are responsible for a lot of the mischief in the world: They haunt houses, they whisper to psychics what to tell people (which is why psychics sometimes seem to be eerily accurate—jinns know a lot, but not everything), and they’re the reason your dog sometimes seems to be barking at absolutely nothing.

Angels and jinns—weird, wild stuff.


Belief that there will be a Last Day

Like many other religions, Islam says there will come a time—the Last Day—when God decides to put an end to the universe. Every living thing will die and the whole universe will be destroyed. After that, God will judge our souls and determine what happens to us next—whether we’ll be rewarded or punished for our deeds during life.

The Muslim concept of the Last Day, or Judgment Day, is pretty detailed and complex—and really, really strange. We’ll talk more about that next time because I’m too tired to keep typing tonight. You have to remember that I’m running on very limited fuel these days, thanks to Ramadan. Next time, I promise.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Month 10, Day 16: Ramadan (Part 2)


Okay, so here’s my humble opinion: Ramadan kind of sucks.

I made it through the first day without eating or drinking or doing anything wrong (I did curse twice, but I think I get a pass from Allah on that because it happened while my boyfriend and his friends were sitting right next to me, drinking beer and loudly enjoying their big, juicy hamburgers, knowing I was sitting there starving—seriously. Why are men so clueless and inconsiderate?).

But I made it through—and it was pure hell. By 11:00 a.m., I had a headache, probably from lack of water, and it lasted until well into the night, even after I had had plenty of water to drink. I was shaky and weak most of the day—since I tend to get a tad hypoglycemic when I don’t eat at regular intervals. And I was so edgy and exhausted that I barely managed to make it through a single chapter of the book I’m supposed to be editing.

I don’t see how anybody could possibly be productive when they’re dehydrated and have shaky limbs from low blood sugar. If the whole point of fasting is to “focus”—on God, on your past sins, on anything—I don’t think forbidding even water is the way to achieve that focus.

It’s not that I’m just a glutton (although I admit I can be). I’ve fasted before, but I’ve never done a fast that even prohibited water, so I had no idea it would affect me so severely.

Frankly, I think the whole thing is, well, kind of stupid. I certainly wasn’t focused on God. I was focused on trying not to feel hungry, and on trying to ease the muscle cramps I was getting (I always get them after going a few hours without water). If anything, I was focusing on how much I dislike any God that would require such ridiculous, pointless suffering of his people.

Maybe it’s horrible, but I really think it might be true: I don’t like Allah. To be fair, I didn’t like the God of Christianity, either (and I’m worried I won’t much like the God of Judaism next month, since they’re all supposed to be the same guy).

Here’s the thing: If Allah/God is the one true God, why would he/she/it create me to have this fundamental distaste for him/her/it? I imagine devout Muslims would say that I’m under the influence of Shaytan (essentially the Muslim version of Satan), but if you look at the evidence objectively, on the whole, I’m a better person than a lot of people. I work hard, I’m nice to just about everybody (even those who treat me badly), I pay my taxes, I observe religious rites. I’m really not a major sinner.

But I do break some of the “rules,” and that means, in the eyes of Allah, I am a sinner. So I don’t like this Muslim version of God much at all. And it’s not that I dislike the “idea” of God in general, like atheists do—after all, I loved the Hindu and pagan gods, like Ganesha and Sarasvati, and I really liked Shinto’s goddess Benzaiten. I just don’t like mean gods, and Allah seems awfully mean to me.

I don’t want to be punished for petty little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, like what I choose to eat (or when I choose to eat it). I want to decide for myself how to live and work and love. And I want God to appreciate that I’m still a good person, no matter what I eat or who I have sex with or whether my hair is visible to men.

A God who cares about silly things like that, and not about what kind of a person I really am, must not be very powerful—and must not be very smart. If he/she/it can’t tell good people from bad people without a checklist of petty rules, then I’m a lot closer to omniscient than God is, because I can generally judge someone’s character accurately within the first ten minutes of conversation.

So I don’t like this version of God, who says I’m not following the rules if I slip up and eat pork but who seems to have no problem with crazy devout “rule-followers” who do truly horrible things like kill anyone who doesn’t believe the same things they do.

But I guess whether I like Allah or not isn’t the point. This whole project is about experiencing everything each faith is about—even those things I think are insane or just plain stupid. And to sum up, what I feel about following the rules of Ramadan is the following: tired, angry, and a lot like a sheep, with no mind of my own. I really can’t wait for this month to be over.

I know, I know. I’m ranting incoherently. But you’d be ranting, too, if you were a strong-willed person being forced to live like a mindless drone, not even being given enough independence of thought to determine when your own body needs a sip of water. You’d also be as grumpy as I am if you were fasting for Ramadan and had overslept this morning and missed your pre-dawn meal. So cut me some slack.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Month 10, Day 15: Ramadan


Although the Muslim month of fasting, Ramadan, actually began a couple of weeks ago, for me, Ramadan starts today (yes, I’m a wimp—get over it).

Ramadan represents the fourth pillar of Islam—Saum, or fasting. For the entire ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar, Muslims undertake a strict fast, from dawn to dusk each day.

That means that for the next two weeks, from sunrise to sunset, I won’t be able to eat, drink, have sex, engage in profanity, lie, or fight. (It’s not like I have any sort of predilection for fistfights, but being told I can’t fight is making me itch to punch someone in the face.)

Fasting for Ramadan also means no inhaled substances (like smoking—I’m so glad I quit that, or I would already be climbing the walls) and no medicines that aren’t absolutely essential—not even vitamins or that sort of thing.

While avoiding all these things, you’re supposed to carry on with your normal life—working, taking care of the house, and of course, saying your obligatory prayers five times a day.

Only during the hours of darkness—before dawn and after sunset—do Muslims allow themselves to eat and drink. The pre-dawn meal, called a sahoor, is supposed to be small and eaten in silence. (I had mine around 5:00 this morning. I wolfed down Chinese food leftovers from my lunch with a great old friend yesterday, standing in silence over the kitchen counter. Then I drank a full liter of water and went back to bed—with some serious indigestion.)

When the sun sets, you eat a small snack, or iftar (usually milk, water, or dates), to break the day’s fast, then you pray and get together with family to have a big, celebratory dinner. Considering the fact that I’m already starving at 10:00 a.m., I really don’t know how I’m going to hold out until tonight. But I’m doing my best. I can’t believe I’m expected to handle the strain of hunger and thirst and NOT engage in profanity. It seems really, really unfair.

So why do Muslims fast during Ramadan? It seems like an exercise in masochism to me, but there are several legitimate spiritual reasons for the fast:

  • Fasting forces us to “rise above” the needs of the physical body and helps strengthen the spirit.

  • We learn how it feels to be hungry (I’m sure learning that!), which makes us more compassionate toward the poor.

  • We clear our minds and are better able to focus on God. (I’m not sure about that—so far, all I’ve been able to focus on is the fantasy of eating a hot dog with lots of chili on it. And a side of fries. Yum.)

  • Fasting gives us time to reflect on our past behavior and any misdeeds we may have committed to become more disciplined, and to express gratitude to God, or Allah, for his blessings in our lives.

  • After a successful Ramadan fast, we are forgiven for all our sins. (Although I do like the idea of being forgiven for sin, I can’t decide which form of penance is worse—having to fast for a whole month or doing it the Catholic way, confessing to a priest and then saying a whole bunch of Hail Marys. Maybe I’m just lazy, but both options sound lousy to me.)


I think my body has been dreading the start of my miniature Ramadan all year. I’ve been ravenously hungry all day, every day for weeks—and naturally, up to now, I’ve been giving in to those urges in the illogical belief that I should be storing up internal food supplies for the coming weeks of sacrifice. Yes, I know perfectly well that the body doesn’t work that way, but you try being rational when every aspect of your being is screaming for a chili dog. Hunger will kick reason’s ass every time. (Oops. I forgot about the “no profanity” thing.)

Anyway, my point is, it’s going to be a LONG two weeks.

Ramadan may be one of the Five Pillars of Islam and one of the fundamental aspects of life as a Muslim, but a few (lucky) people are exempt from the rigors of fasting: Young children (under the age of puberty), elderly people who are physically weak, those who have serious chronic illnesses, and people with mental disabilities don’t have to take part in the fast.

You can also get a temporary pass on Ramadan fasting if you’re traveling or if you’re a woman in labor, after childbirth, or during menstruation—although you’re supposed to make up for any days you miss by fasting another time.

Is it wrong that there’s a little part of me wishing I had an illness (or a newborn baby) so I could get out of this? Man, I’m pathetic.