Today is my last day as a Baha’i. I know I’ve slacked off a bit over the past few days, but it wasn’t just laziness. It was laziness and stomach flu and, yes, a touch of apathy.
I’ve been keeping up with my obligatory prayers and the rest of the Baha’i stuff, but I have to tell the truth: I’ve been bored. I’m getting really sick of tolerance, justice, love, and compassion. Yeah, I know. I’m a bitch.
The fact that I grow to hate each new religion sometime during week three every month—if I don’t already hate it from the very beginning—says something to me. I have no staying power when it comes to religion. I can’t stick with things for very long because I get bored and jaded and pissed off. Well, maybe I start out bored and jaded and pissed off. That tends to be my style in general.
Spending so much time focused on religion isn’t helping my attitude, either. For some reason, I thought immersing myself in religion all the time would help me find some faith in something, anything. Instead, I feel like it’s taking away what little faith I might have had. I’m getting worried that by the time this year is over, I’ll be a full-on atheist instead of just a wondering, confused agnostic.
But tomorrow starts a new month and a new religion. So let the cycle—where I start the month hopeful and optimistic only to become bored and jaded and pissed off—begin yet again.
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